Beautiful
by Kentra02
Summary: AU, Songfic, Death. Duo deals with and reminisces the beatings he gets because he's gay, and life is very cruel to him and those he loves.


Author: Kentra Shinataku  
Pairings: 2+5+2  
Archive: anyone else who wants it, drop me a line, I'm sure I won't have a problem with it.  
Category: Angst, AU, Songfic  
Rating: R. I don't know, if it was a movie, I wouldn't want my kiddies watching it.  
Spoilers: None  
Warnings: Angst, abuse, gay-hate, inanimate-object-NCS, death  
Disclaimer: You should know by now that I DO NOT own Gundam Wing!  
  
//thoughts//  
_emphasis_  
~/flashbacks/~  
~lyrics~  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Beautiful  
  
~Don't look at me...~  
  
Duo jammed his eyes shut as he saw the fist coming towards his face, quicker than he thought somebody could throw a punch. He was pinned to the wall by his shoulders and neck and a sickening crack in his chest told him that one of the four seniors that had cornered him after class had either just broken a few of his ribs, or come damn close to it. He didn't dare cry out, that would only feed their taunts, but what chance did a scrawny freshman have against four senior football players? Absolutely none. The hands that were holding him a foot off the ground released him and let him fall to the floor and with a last laugh, left him a crumpled, bloody mess while the taunts streamed through his mind. It must have scared them too much when they heard the sound his ribs made as their fists connected with his chest. They wanted to beat him bad, but didn't want to cross the line into serious trouble and change their image from star to killer. Duo wasn't afraid of them, anymore. How could he be? It wasn't as if he hadn't experienced it so many times before, he had had innumerable encounters with these boys. But every time was worse. Every time they dared to punch a little harder, make his bruises a little darker. Duo didn't know how far they would dare to go. All he knew is that he had somehow brought this upon himself.  
  
Three years he had endured the jeering, and for part of the time, he wasn't even certain _why_ they would call him such things as "girly-boy", "fudge-packer", "ass pounder", "homo", or "fag". For a year or so, he shrugged it off; it wasn't as if they were true. He was as straight as an arrow. They just picked on him because he had a braid, that didn't make him _that way_.  
  
Then there had been a boy in all of his classes, a boy with dark, raven hair and midnight black eyes. Duo had never seen a boy more... _beautiful_. He was witty and intelligent and got the best grades in their year, and from the day he got to know Wufei, he knew that the teasing he endured really was true. He was "gay". Duo was outraged, ashamed, completely _disgusted_ with himself. His fear to even look in the mirror grew as the longing to feel the Chinese boy's skin plagued him stronger each day. He hated himself for it.  
  
~Now and then, I get insecure,  
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed~  
  
He and Wufei had become closer and closer friends, telling each other almost anything, but Duo still felt that burning desire to press his lips to Wufei's, and he wouldn't squander those feelings. When Wufei told him that he wanted to share his biggest secret, Duo felt guilty for not being able to admit his own. He agreed to meet him after school, wondering why he couldn't just tell him in the hallway right then.  
  
After the final bell rang, Duo went immediately to the back of the building, under the tree where they always sat to eat lunch together. He was pleased to see that Wufei was already there, though he already looked extremely nervous.   
  
"So... what did you want to tell me?" Duo asked slowly to break the tension, standing nearer to Wufei than would usually be comfortable. Wufei looked pale and shaken, and obviously he didn't want to share his secret as much as he thought.  
  
"I really didn't want to admit this to you, but it is probably necessary to our friendship. I've been judged by this by many people, I don't even know if it's worth it. But it's better to be honest," he paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, "I don't want this to ruin our friendship, but... well, to put it simply, I'm gay."  
  
Duo's face lit up in disbelief, but Wufei misread the disbelief as disgust. He frowned, looking hesitantly into Duo's eyes.  
  
"There is nothing wrong with that."  
  
Wufei looked at him hopefully, "You aren't disgusted by that?"  
  
"How could I be? I am too," Duo said with a smile, "But there is something that I've got to tell you too. For a long time, you've been the one I've had my eyes on. I love you."  
  
Wufei lit up with shock, his eyes wide and mouth hanging slightly opened, and the same words toppled from his own lips to express his own sentiments to the boy that he loved.  
  
That's how Duo had brought these beatings upon himself, when he didn't realize that they were being watched as he kissed Wufei's cheek, when they walked home together, hand in hand, and were being followed. It was his own fault he was so bruised and broken.  
  
~Every day is so wonderful,   
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe~  
  
He winced and struggled for breath as he pulled himself from the floor. He loved Wufei with all his heart, but sometimes he wondered if it was really worth it. Immediately he drove that thought from his mind. Though it was so hard... every rude comment, every obscene name... and not only the ones said against him, but the ones directed to homosexuals in general, they hurt. Sometimes they hurt worse than the beatings.  
  
He dragged himself down the hallway, clutching the walls and trying not to spread so much blood. He was bleeding pretty badly from his nose and split lip, and from other areas he didn't even knew he had. He pounded on Wufei's dorm door before crumbling into a heap on the floor again.  
  
Wufei answered the door, only to look down in horror, seeing Duo in worse shape than usual. Hurriedly, he curled his body into his arms and pulled him into the room.   
  
"They did it again?" Wufei asked sympathetically, as he laid Duo down on the bed. Duo only nodded as he brushed loose strands of hair behind his ears, and bit his lip to strangle the tears that were burning his eyes.  
  
"I hate them" he managed to choke out, "I hate all of this. I hate the way they hate _me_ just for being _me_."  
  
"Duo, there is nothing different about you, they are just afraid of what they're not used to," Wufei soothed.  
  
"Is that an excuse? Can I hate Marc just because... because he has blonde hair? For something he can't control? That's bullshit, Wu. Complete fucking bullshit," Duo burst.  
  
"Calm down, love. I know it isn't fair. They have no right to do this, but who's going to stop them? They're obviously much stronger than we are," Wufei said evenly, though he struggled greatly to keep his voice under control as he inspected Duo's injuries.  
  
"I don't want to have to deal with this. I'm still human, regardless of who I love. You're supposed to love somebody for who they are inside, right? What if we all looked the same?" Duo said fighting back a tear.  
  
"You know that you are correct, but they are too caught up in the morals of society--"  
  
"Fuck society, Wu. That's a bunch of shit. If they could understand what real love is, and not what pair of tits and cunt they're screwing this Friday night, they wouldn't have any problem understanding us, now would they?"  
  
Wufei sighed, unwilling to debate the inevitable.  
  
"No Duo, they wouldn't. Why don't you go take a shower? It will make you feel better." Wufei pressed his lips lightly to Duo's, a reminder that everything would be okay, that no matter what happened they would still love each other, but he didn't need to say that out loud. Duo knew. If he didn't, why would he be here with Wufei after being beaten _because_ of him? Of course Duo knew, he felt the exact same way.  
  
~No matter what we do,  
No matter what we say,  
When the sun comes shining through,  
Former clouds won't stay~  
  
Duo undressed in the hotel-like bathroom, feeling so dirty just by occupying the space. Everything in the small room was so white, so... pure. Somebody as filthy and repulsive as himself didn't deserve to scathe the white tile. He stared at his reflected body in the mirror, the body that looked the same as the boys in the gym locker room. So what was so different about him? What could they see in his eyes that wasn't marred on his skin? Maybe _they_ were the disgusting ones, the different ones, maybe _they_ were incorrect. Maybe Duo and Wufei were some of the few that were _right_ all along. To them, this was the most "right" thing ever, it was all they knew, and life any differently would feel wrong. But Duo didn't hate people solely based on their heterosexuality, because they felt what was right for themselves and acted on it. Just as he was. Duo knew he was right. Nothing could ever be better than loving Wufei.  
  
~I am beautiful, no matter what they say,  
Words can't bring me down,  
I am beautiful, in every single way,  
Yes, words can't bring me down, oh no,  
So don't you bring me down today~  
  
Water streamed over him, gliding over his skin and beading on his flat stomach. He ran his fingers over his ribs, feeling the difference from this morning when they were actually aligned. Now some were pressed in at unthinkable angles, and Duo was having a very hard time breathing. He could be in some serious shape with broken ribs; he would be dead if they had hit him any harder. But after so many of the beatings, he had thought he would die, and he was still breathing today.  
  
~/My eyes clenched shut subconsciously, somehow feeling the belated effects of my head slamming into metal only _after_ I heard the ringing in my head. Or maybe I imagined the ringing, I couldn't tell. I didn't altogether care. All my mind could focus on was getting down from the flagpole they had tied me to and getting my pants back on. Breath was coming in short spasms and I feared suffocation, though the thought sent me into desperation and I unwisely struggled against the cord tied around my neck.  
  
"What's wrong, homo? Don't got your fudge-packer boyfriend here to save you?" jeered Marc, the tall blonde jock.  
  
His curly brunette best friend, Eiron, added, "Hey bitch, what's it like up the ass?"  
  
I tried my best to scowl, but my mind lost all focus as a hand connected my head to the pole again. When the blur in front of me finally separated into coherent colors again, my blood ran cold as I register a mouth enveloping my cock. I squinted down and realized it was Vicci, the exotic looking head cheerleader; most guys would kill to be in that position. But not me. I will myself not to submit to the pleasures administered with that talented tongue. Finally, she pulls away and I release the breath that I hadn't intended to hold. The jocks stare in disbelief that I could keep my erection at bay.  
  
"I guess ass-munch has too much shit on his dick to feel what a _real_ blowjob is like," yelled Marc, putting his arm around the cheerleader. The insults and pain continued while I drifted on the borderlines of consciousness. The last thing I remembered was the feeling of my own belt cracking against my skin and a good sized rock hitting my targeted head perfectly, before all vision slipped away./~  
  
~Trying hard to fill the emptiness,   
The piece is gone, left the puzzle undone~  
  
~/I struggled against the hands that held me firmly, pressing my head into the chemical filled water that choked my lungs. I tried to open my eyes but the water burned at them, making me slam them shut again. But the water muffled the taunts as well. A sound erupted as the water swirled around me, pulling at my head and sucking my braid down the toilet. I whipped it back when I managed to catch them off guard and much to his surprise, it hit Marc in the face. He didn't give me the satisfaction of crying out or complaining, as if he knew what I was thinking. My head was plunged into the disgusting water again, and I tried desperately to reach out with my arms to stop myself, but then I remembered that my arms were tied back with Marc's leather belt.   
  
After a few minutes, the hands on my head let up and I automatically brought my body up as far as they would allow, but as soon as I did, a knee rammed into my ass with a blow that might have shattered my tail bone, and it sent my skull to connect with the wall. When my eyes opened again, all I saw was red and with a sick feeling I realize that my head had broken a few tiles on the wall that my blood was painting. I sure as hell hoped I wouldn't have to clean that up. They got a few more blows to my head and then shoved it back into the toilet before I could close my mouth, earning me a mouth full of putrid water. The chemicals burned at the new gashes in my head and I reared against them to get up. As soon as I got my head out of the water, I spit the mouthful at the wall and watched as it trailed over the tile and carried my blood to the floor. A hand on my braid yanked back hard and smashed my head into the toilet paper canister, drawing more blood from me. My head was repeatedly bashed into it, and my already blurred vision faded to black./~  
  
~To all your friends, your delirious,  
So consumed in all your doom~  
  
~/ "Hey Duo, are you going to the party?" the short blonde asked energetically.  
  
"Of course not," I replied automatically. Me, homo-boy, go to a party? I couldn't afford to attend a jock social affair, especially not one with so many gay-haters. I guess Quatre understood, because he didn't press it. But he could only understand to a certain extent. He was straight, after all.   
  
When we reached the gates at the front of his house, he turned to me and his aqua eyes pierced mine.  
  
"Just think about the party, ok? It's at my house, how much can go wrong?"  
  
"I guess, maybe I'll see you then," I said uncertainly.  
  
I showed up at the party that night, alone. That was my first stupid move. Wufei was out of town, or I would have asked him to come. So I went alone. The minute I walked in the door, a beer was shoved into my hands, but I set it down immediately. I didn't want to get drunk and do something I would regret.   
  
The company around me did not appear inviting, let alone safe for somebody like me. It was clear that Quatre had already lost control of his own party, and I knew that I should have left when I realized that. I might have, if I had realized the trap I had set for myself as I walked into the den. A voice called out over the music, talking, and laughter, and then there was no escape.  
  
"Oi! Little Faggy Maxwell decided to show his gay face at the big boy's party!"  
  
The voice couldn't be anyone's but Marc's, I knew, as all the eyes in the room turned to me. I tried to back out, but I was way past the point of no return. Strong arms wrapped around mine and pulled me down onto the pool table where bandanas were tied around my hands. One of them stuffed a sock in my mouth, and as hard as I tried, I couldn't spit it out. Eiron noticed my struggle to rid my mouth of the foul object and jeered, "C'mon faggot, I would have thought you would be _used_ to deep throating!"  
  
"How could he be? His boyfriend is that little Chinese prick, and you know how small those Asians are!" yelled a boy that I knew as Scott. The laughter swirled around me and I started to get dizzy, but maybe that had something to do with the billiard ball that had just been hurled at my head. I couldn't move the upper half of my body at all, so they must have tied me down more firmly to something else. I barely realized that my pants had been ripped off of me, because somebody was having too much fun beating me in the ribs with a cue stick from the game they had been playing.  
  
"Give me that, you asshole," Marc growled at the boy as he snatched the stick from him. He grinned at me with that purely evil glint in his eyes that I knew so well, and ordered Eiron to blindfold me with another bandana.  
  
"Now we'll see how much the little fag can take. We're gonna make the bitch moan."  
  
I could never forget the tone in which he delivered the last sentence and I automatically writhed in fear while at least three people spread my legs. I tried to kick them off, but there were so many more than me, I just couldn't do it.  
  
And then I felt the cue stick shoved up my ass.   
  
My mouth flew open and maybe I screamed. The sock slid farther into my throat and my body bucked as I choked and the thrusting in my ass only became rougher. I was aware that tears were flowing from my eyes, but I didn't care. They couldn't see that, and I'm actually thankful for the blindfold. I think Marc yelled something about me not having enough yet, but I was beyond hearing over my own choked screams let alone the laughter and the... music? The pounding music had stopped and a voice I knew so well let out an outraged cry,  
  
"What is going on?!"  
  
The stick stopped pounding into me and it was dropped, much to my pain. While I worked on squeezing it out of me, I heard the satisfactory sound of somebody getting slapped in the face, and I didn't need to ask who delivered and received it. The sock was pulled from my mouth and I vaguely noticed that Quatre was shouting; I was too far gone into my own world./~  
  
Duo stepped out of the shower and toweled the water off of his long hair. The memories almost hurt more than his ribs. He hated having to carry those experiences, and not being able to control when they played through his head. Despite all of it, he still loved Wufei more than anything and was prepared to undergo whatever torture was necessary as long as nobody would separate them. Wufei never received the beatings; he only got called the occasional names. But Duo wouldn't have it any other way. He would never be able to handle seeing Wufei in the state that he came back to the dorm in so often. How did Wufei tolerate seeing the person he loved so much hurt so badly? If anybody ever treated Wufei that way, he would kill them. Wufei didn't deserve that.  
  
Duo opened the bathroom door and stared in wide-eyed horror at the scene that greeted him. There was no doubt who had done this, and he swore that he would get revenge on Marc as he gaped at Wufei's motionless body hanging from a sheet around his neck, and painted with obscene names in his own blood.  
A/n: Well.... That could have been a lot better ::blush:: It was just a spur of the moment thing, I guess. Maybe I should have taken my time with it.. heh...heh. Lemme know what you think, even if you hate it, I want to know. 


End file.
